Newly Married (Freedom to Marry Week)

Freedom to Marry Week continues and the theme today is, Something New. Well, going with the something old post, my sisters found a beautiful tie tack for my wedding. I got my wife to be a beautiful diamond necklace that I found at JC Penney. Unfortunately, do you think I could find a close up picture of either.....of course not! So, just believe me when I say they are both very beautiful.

Something new.....oh, I know. My wife surprised me yesterday. She is so sweet. I was called to the front desk at work and was handed a long package. Yup, that's right. My wife sent me flowers. She is so amazing. Here is a picture of them. Aren't they gorgeous? I love surprises. Leah does not like surprises too much. But, I am changing that, heehee.

I am newly married. That's new. I have to say, being married is the best feeling ever. Leah and I have been living together for over a year and I really didn't think things would change for me. I mean, we had made a commitment to each other, wasn't that the same thing? I was so wrong. The planning, the setting up, the getting ready and then seeing Leah for the first time in her dress. Wow! I can't even put words to the feelings I had. She was beyond beautiful. Hearing her words to me and saying my words to her was amazing. It still sends waves of excitement and love through me just thinking about it. I know I didn't say everything I wanted. But, now I have a lifetime to say them to her.

Being married is different. I can't even say how. I just know that I look at her and I am in awe of the amount of feelings I have. When I am near Leah, I have to touch her in some way. It usually is holding her hand. She told me I am the best hand holder (see pic.) I love that. The picture below was taken at the March for Marriage Equality in Albany, NY. The little girl in the photo is my niece, Samantha. Isn't she cute. Leah wrote about the march on her blog. Click here for that post.

Everyday I look at Leah, I know she and I are a part of something that is so essential to being. The common denominator that humans have is that we all look for true love and that one person that can give that to us. It is an innate part of us. We all want someone to share our life and dreams. Fortunately for me, I found that person. Unfortunately for me, some people don't like my choice because I am a woman loving another woman. I have been lucky. I have not expierenced too much hatred or felt that threatened for my being gay. But, when Prop 8 passed and now Ken Starr trying to forcibly divorce us, I feel hatred. I feel threatened. And now, I feel empowered. Keep hating, keep threatening. We are not going away. You can make up laws, you can strip us of our rights, you can do whatever you want but, in the end, we will still be here. And we will continue fighting for each other and our love. I love you, Leah!

For more information on the Freedom to Marry Week, click here.

Courage Campaign

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

If this video does not touch your heart then I don't know what to say. Go to http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce for more information and to sign the letter.

Leah and I are one of the 18,000 couples who got married in California. We are one of the couples that Ken Starr (you remember him, Bill Clinton/blue dress fame) wants the government to invalidate and forcibly divorce. We have our marriage license in hand. Signed and sealed and legal. Leah has legally changed her name. Our state is recognizing our marriage (to a point, don't get me started.) This whole thing saddens me, but, at the same time empowers me to do more and fight for my rights. I am an empowered butch lesbian. Watch out world.

New Traditions

So, in continuing with the Freedom to Marry Week, this is day 2 post. Today, according to The Other Mother, we have to post about something old. Pictured left, is an old picture of Leah and I before we got married. If you notice, we are dressed alike, hahahaha. We were in a phase. No, really, we went to Albany Pride and decided to make shirts about the recent announcement of marriages in California. The backs of the shirts say I love Leah or I love Brenda. We ooze cuteness, aaaawwww.

As for old, we did do that tradition for our wedding. My sisters had all been married before me and so they gave me my something old. It was so great. They gave me a hankie from each of my grandmothers. It was so sweet. Leah's Mom gave her a hankie from her grandmother as well.

What I want to talk about in this post is tradition. The old tradition has to go. This is one of the arguments that we hear to not give us marriage. It's tradition, it's always been done this way. Wake up people! Have we learned nothing about it's always been done this way. It's not always the right way. The tradition of slavery, women as property, institutionalization of developmentally disabled and those with psychiatric dianosis'. The list can go on and on. You can find it in everyday life, as well. At work, those co-workers at staff meetings who don't want to try a new idea because the old one still works okay. "We've always done it this way." "Why fix what ain't broke," is their motto. Well, I am here to say it is broke. Just because it works for you, doesn't mean it works for me. We grow as a person, as a nation, when we change for the better. As we evolve, we change. That is the process. That is the way things work. That is the way we grow.

So, I say, let's start new traditions. And someday, when our children say to us, "that's so old, Mom, no one does it that way anymore," I plan to say to them, "you're right, let's change and make some new traditions." Here's to all the new traditions.

For more information on Freedom to Marry Week click the link below: http://www.freedomtomarry.org/get_involved/freedom_to_marry_week_2009bl.php

Freedom To Marry Week

My wife, Leah, has a blog and follows some other blogs. I saw this on one of those, Tales of A Female Husband. So here is my blog about Marriage Equality.

As you can see, I married the girl of my dreams. We were married in California on 10/25, a couple of weeks before Prop 8 passed. I have posted on my sadness and outrage on this in a previous post so I won't go into that here. I just want to talk about marriage equality and what it means to me.

When Leah and I got married, we wrote our own ceremony. We put in a part about what marriage means to each of us. This was my piece:

Marriage is a way to let the world know, I love this person. It is an awesome feeling and a great responsibility. It is not something to be taken lightly. It means giving of yourself to someone else, trusting in that person and knowing that she is giving of herself and trusting in you, as well. You have to be strong when she can’t and she needs to be strong when you can’t. But, even though it is a great responsibility, it is also about happiness and fun. It is saying to someone else I love being with you and I plan on spending the rest of my life enjoying us. Marriage is an amazing institution and I am so happy to be a part of it. I want that responsibility. I want to be able to say, “this is my wife.” I want to be able to laugh, cry, get mad and know that someone else loves me. And with that, I am marrying the one person who has added to my life a sense of completeness.

See, while we are all fighting for our right to marriage and all the rights that go with it (believe me, I know, over 1,300 in NY alone,) when it comes down to it, marriage is about love. It is about the dream we all have as children, to one day marry the person we love. To walk down that aisle, or be greeted at the end of it. To look into your beloved's eyes with tears of joy. To hold her/his hand and pronounce "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." And to hear those words, "I now pronounce you....(beloved wives, in our case.)

The rights that come with being married are extra bonuses. Don't get me wrong, I am fighting for those rights as well. I just recently spoke with my state senator's chief of staff all about this and I will post on that next time. But, what I am talking about here is just the real, in our core, reason we all get married. Because we love someone and can't imagine our life without her/him. Marriage is the way we can show that. Marriage is the way everyone in the world knows that. I married my wife because I love her and can't imagine myself without her. Pure and simple. I love you, Leah!

Thinking about the President and the pedestal we put him on

I am writing this in response to a fellow poster and friend, Michelle's, recent post. Please read her post first. It will help you understand this one.

You are not alone with this feeling. I have been thinking about this too. I put a lot of faith in Clinton when he was elected b/c he promised to help the GLBT community. We all saw what happened there. I, too, feel that we have put Obama up on this pedestal, that if he doesn't come through, the country will kick him off so fast. I feel our country has come to expect things to be fixed quickly. Instant gratification and if we are not happy with something then let's give up on it and pick something new. I, too, am jaded. I guess I have been ever since California allowed Prop 8 to be put up for a popular vote. I hope that Obama can do what he says. What I truly hope, though, is that the American people do their part as well. One person cannot do it all. It takes the entire country. We as the gay community know this more than anything right now. We may not have done enough for Prop 8. If you want your rights, your ideas, your needs met, you need to get up off the couch, get away from the computer, the TV and do something. Give your time, write your government officials, make a donation, march in the streets and give back. Good luck to you and good luck to our new President.

Thanks Michelle for the fodder for my post.

I Hope Part 2

"We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

Okay, he didn't say gay or LGBT but, he did say equal and he did say all and he did say all deserve. It's a start. I have a little bit more hope than a few hours ago. I watched the inauguration at my work with some fellow co-workers. It was interesting to me that I didn't have that awe feeling that everyone seems to be having. One person cannot make things better for us. We have to do our part. He said this as well.

"In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."

I plan on working hard to get my voice heard and get equality for all. I remember when I spoke with State Senator Roy McDonald and he accused me of being a one item voter. He said other people need help too, like the disabled. I responded to him that "the disabled can marry." Now, when I talk with him again, I am going to say, "when I, and my fellow LGBT brothers and sisters, are equal citizens and have equal rights, then I will work toward helping others." It is that important to me.

I also did something today that will not be remembered by anyone but me and probably didn't matter in the big scheme of things but, I did it anyway. I turned my back to the television when Rick Warren spoke. I know, he didn't see me but, it felt like the right thing to do. I am not sure if people in DC did this. I think they were going to as a protest to Rick speaking.

So, that's it for now on the update. Click to read and view President Obama's Inauguration speech.

I Hope.

At exactly noon today, Bush will no longer be our president and Obama will. Yeah, our time has come, hopefully. I hate to sound cynical, but haven't we been here before. Promises, catering to our demands to garnish our votes (damn, now I am hungry), only to be let down (Clinton, Don't ask, don't tell and DOMA.) I want to be optimistic, I want to feel like we now have a chance but, I can't. The passage of Prop 8 kind of took away a lot of my optimism. My parents deciding, like those who voted yes on 8, to not support my marriage, took away a lot of my optimism. I will wait and see if he makes good on his promise to get rid of don't ask, don't tell and DOMA. I will also wait and see if the state senators that the LGBT constituents helped get elected stand good on their promises as well. Although, I am trying to make a difference there by lobbying my State Senator, Roy McDonald on Marriage Equality Day (sign up to participate.) I know that I sound like a one issue person, and maybe I am. I am sorry, but this one issue is important to me. It is my life. Things other people take for granted we have to fight for. I know it is worse for others in other places. I know that is much braver for someone in Iraq, for instance, to be out. But, we are the United States of America. We are supposed to be the land of equality, the land of the free. We are supposed to be ahead of the curve. So I want to hope, I want to dream, I want to ride this new positive wave that everyone is on, but, it is a difficult one for me. I am going to watch the inauguration and maybe I can get inspired. I hope so.

Here is a list of my hopes for the next four years:
I hope that my marriage holds up in California.
I hope the CA Supreme Court invalidates Prop 8.
I hope the CA legislatures then pass marriage equality once and for all.
I hope NYS follows suit and passes a marriage equality bill, as well.
I hope that President Obama gets rid of don't ask and DOMA
I hope that President Obama starts talks about equalizing rights for gay americans.
I hope that I get all 1,324 NYS rights afforded to married couples.
I hope that I get all 1,138 federal rights afforded to married couples.
I hope my parents finally see me as a whole person and support my marriage.

Feel free to comment and leave your messages of hope. Here's to Obama and goodbye Bush.